It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
