and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
