Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
