it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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