I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
