So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
