You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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