How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
