The maid of honor just puked.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
