Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
