Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
