sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
