yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
