people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
