This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
