yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
