well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
