I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
