It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
