Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
