Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
