he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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