My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
