I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
