Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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