I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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