You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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