So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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