A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
