the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
