I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
