her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
