Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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