4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
