i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
