So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
