HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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