five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
