put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
