your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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