yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
