im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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