The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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