i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
