The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
