hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
