Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
