god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
