If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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