He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
