I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
