It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
