between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
