I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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