Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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