Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
