Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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